Extra Enjoyable New Face Filter Apps

The enjoyable isn’t achieved till all of your information has been collected…

FuckYourFace

A raunchy, enjoyable new app that replaces your face with a closeup picture of penetrative intercourse.

UnFuckYourFace

A rejoinder app to FuckYourFace that takes the picture of penetrative intercourse that beforehand changed your face and replaces it as an alternative with a extra enticing model of your face, regardless that you by no means uploaded an image of your precise face to UnFuckYourFace—how’d it get there?

ReFuckYourFace

An app that may take the picture generated by UnFuckYourFace and substitute each object with genitalia besides the extra enticing model of your face created by the earlier app’s AI—once more, how did it try this if you by no means uploaded an image of your precise face? Additionally, the title of the app is deceptive as a result of your face is definitely the one factor that’s not changed with fucking? It’s being fucked round, as are you.

LinkedIn Headshot Generator

An app from the skilled networking big that claims it could possibly remodel your selfies into clear, polished, respectable portraits that may catch the attention of any recruiter. Merely add a photograph of your self in informal clothes and the app will do the remainder, superimposing a blazer onto your shoulders, smoothing your hair, lightening your pores and skin, lightening your hair, lightening your eye shade—whoops, this app simply makes everybody look white. That’s not good. 

LinkedIn Headshot Generator 2.zero

Following backlash towards the unique LinkedIn Headshot Generator app, this improved model corrects the unlucky tendencies of its predecessor and simply provides glasses to uploaded selfies. No one makes use of this extraordinarily ineffective model of the app, which is sweet, as a result of for those who did, your facial info could be bought to an organization in Sweden that’s growing 3D-printed masks from each selfie uploaded to LinkedIn Headshot Generator 2.zero which may idiot even probably the most superior surveillance cameras.

CandyCrushMe

A custom-made model of Sweet Crush that means that you can substitute sure sweet icons with your individual face or the faces of different folks. Virtually everybody who makes use of this function uploads images of non-public enemies in order that they’ll make them seem to blow up throughout gameplay. Nonetheless, the one individual required to consent to using a photograph is the participant—the folks whose faces are used could by no means know their likenesses are being submitted to Sweet Crush after which resold to varied data-sharing companions. Once they activate the information someday and see footage of somebody who seems to be themselves commandeering a French naval vessel and flying an Iranian flag from the mast, they may have a panic assault so extreme that they’re unable to coherently defend themselves when arrested and tried for top treason.

FaceBaby

An app that generates a picture of you as a fetus in utero. By utilizing the app you might be routinely signed as much as obtain anti-choice mailing supplies. Later updates to the app give it entry to your Apple Pockets, permitting anti-choice organizations to debit your account for small, nearly unnoticeable charges which, when multiplied by the hundreds of thousands of customers who’ve forgotten they even downloaded the app within the first place, provides as much as sufficient cash to fund the elections of 5 anti-choice governors. 

MeHottie

An app that turns you right into a stone chilly hottie. Only a 10 out of 10. Wow wow wee wow. Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!!! Awoooooooga. This app sells your biometric information to Saudi Arabia the place they use it to coach drones to establish enemies of the state and shoot them down on sight. 

PutMyFaceOnADogsBody.exe

Only a blatant virus. Why the fuck did you obtain this? It’s a “desktop solely app” that you just couldn’t discover in any app retailer—how was that not a tip-off? Now you get adverts for penis enlargement the place the individual within the advert is you. Congratulations.

Fruitee

A enjoyable, cute app that turns you and your mates into cornucopias of fruit! Owned by Amazon by way of Entire Meals, and used to reap facial information that Entire Meals then sells to paramilitary forces world wide in trade for forcibly seized farmland.

Work of Artwork

This app turns your selfies into AI-generated artistic endeavors within the fashion of early 19th-century portraiture. In 2019, the person settlement for this app is ironclad—your uploads received’t be used nefariously, and can be deleted instantly after the portrait has been processed. Nonetheless, just a few months after the app turns into so common that the web site crashes each day from an excessive amount of site visitors, the researcher behind it should immediately die. Cambridge College will then declare the rights to his analysis—he was an adjunct professor there—and the rights to the app by extension. His household contests the declare, however is unable to tackle the College’s highly effective authorized group with their very own restricted means. Cambridge then adjusts the person settlement to permit them to retailer the uploaded images indefinitely, and provides opaque language about entry to different apps in your telephone and laptop, together with your complete picture library. 

Three years later, you get a telephone name from an unlisted quantity. You don’t reply calls from folks you don’t know, so that you simply let it go to voicemail. You neglect about it fully till later that evening, if you see you have got a transcript of the voice message in your inbox. It reads, “Hi there. This would possibly sound just a little loopy, however… I’m you. Please meet me outdoors your job at midday tomorrow and I’ll clarify.”

So that you do. As you exit the foyer of your WeWork you see them… you… an individual together with your face, your physique… a mirror, a mime, a nightmare. 

They attempt to put you relaxed. They are saying that they have been made for you. To maintain you firm, that will help you work, to ensure you’re joyful. That can assist you sleep higher, train extra usually, take your medicine. They seize your hand, however you run. They run after you, they usually’re quick. They’re sooner than you. However you see the Elon Musk Memorial Monorail prepare coming and earlier than you possibly can suppose you’ve already spun round, grabbed this creature together with your face and your voice, whose backside entrance tooth is just a bit bit chipped similar to yours, and flung them onto the tracks. You don’t keep to observe however you hear the sound of it occurring behind you as you run, and preserve operating. You don’t cease till you’re house. As you unlock the door you surprise how lengthy it should take for the police to return. Will you have got time to depart a be aware for your loved ones explaining what occurred? Will they consider you? The door opens. And there you might be, unhurt, calm, smiling, sitting in your sofa. Ready for you.

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