Fuck It, 21 Extra Democratic Candidates Working In 2020

Criss Angel: 90 p.c probability of beating Trump
Chris Evans: 1 p.c probability of beating Trump
A Horse: Normally the horse is available in towards the tip of a humorous listing. Not this time. 25 p.c probability of beating Trump.
Omarosa Manigault: 50 p.c probability of beating Trump
A Cowboy Boot With A Pleasure Flag Sticking Out Of It: 25 p.c probability 
BP Chairwoman Susan Dio: zero p.c probability
Elizabeth Holmes: 5 p.c probability
Any Serial Killer: 20 p.c probability
The Gene That Determines Peak: 91 p.c probability
Pewdiepie’s Dad: 40 p.c probability
A Dying Maidenhair Fern: 2 p.c probability
The Good Automobile Concepts Man From That I Assume You Ought to Go away Sketch: Virtually sure victory over Trump. 
Cesium-137: 30 p.c probability, however 100 p.c probability given extended publicity
The Throat Chakra: 10 p.c probability
A Goldfish Trapped In A Novelty Platform Boot: 10 p.c probability
Bari Weiss: zero p.c probability
Hillary Clinton: zero p.c probability
Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Avenue: 14 p.c probability
Poseidon, God Of The Ocean: 80 p.c probability, given projected sea degree rise
A Vegan Chorizo Sausage That Owns A Jail: three p.c probability
Carrabba’s Italian Grill Co-Founder Johnny Ca—I’m sorry, we’ve simply obtained phrase that Johnny Carrabba has withdrawn his candidacy following widespread criticism of his platform (“If it’s not about pasta, I don’t care about it”). Not that it issues anymore, however he’d have had a 30 p.c probability of beating Trump.

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